2008 was quite a year!

I am certainly looking forward to a New Year of my new liver and I getting to know each other settling in so we can have years of fun and a long, healthy life together.....


Thank you all for listening to my ramblings, fears, stressing, obsessing and triumphs as I struggled through one amazing year of my life.

Thank you for all the support, cheering me on and most of all listening to me.

I have learned so much, so very much. From my family, friends, (online and off), my cruise buddies, my support group, my Dr's and health care providers and other cirrhosis patients and caregivers.

I KNOW there is a reason that I was chosen, if you will, to have this disease, to live with it, to deal with it, to learn about it and to come out the other side with a successful transplant, to learn how to live with all the things that come with that.

I have learned a lot about myself, about compassion of others, whatever they are dealing with, about patience with people and life in general. I have learned to take responsibility and take charge of the things you can, learn as much as you can, ask lots of questions, sort out the answers, do what you can and then enjoy everything you can while you wait..... because in reality you don't know what could be just around the corner.

Enjoy the warmth of the sun, the way your dogs run through snow when they live in the desert, Enjoy watching people open up about things they aren't really proud of and leave them feeling that you care about them even more for sharing because we don't judge them for past mistakes. We all have them. Watching your son struggle to become a man and your husband take care of you in a way he never thought he would have to, and smiling the whole way..........

No matter what my health brings in the future......good or not so good, I will handle it as best I know how and continue to try and reach others about the facts about what liver disease can mean to their lives and how to avoid it if it involves making a choice. Particularly to women who drink.........How I wish I had listened earlier when I had a choice before cirrhosis set in. Although I accept the journey I have been on, it certainly isn't one I wish for anyone....... A few vodka tonics less or skipped that bottle of wine...............well, I might not be telling the story I have been telling you all year or will be sharing with you shortly...

I will always support and share with fellow liver patients who are living with cirrhosis and have all the questions that I had about what is next??????

and finally I will fight for a better way for this country to deal with organ donation and allocation so there are enough organs available for people that need them. Be it a Liver, a Kidney, Lungs, Heart, Tissues for Burn Victims and Corneas so people can have sight. There are several options that are good ideas and it will take a lot to change the current M.O. But there has to be a better way.....Until then PLEASE Don't take your organs with you, HEAVEN KNOWS WE NEED THEM HERE.... and make sure that after you sign up, you tell your loved ones of your wishes.


In Fact........This is part of a document that you should read.....I had read these facts before but it hit me harder how lucky I was to get ONE of these organs....The odds were totally against me and everyone else waiting.....

A national crisis exists because of the critical demand for organ donations that is currently needed for over 100,000 gravely ill individuals on the national waiting list. While that number grows daily, a person on that list, or one who was removed because he/she was too sick dies every hour. In addition, over 2.5 million Americans die annually, but only a total of 14,400 living and deceased persons donated organs last year. ( From UNOS Facts 2008 )

Then when it crossed my mind more than once that I could be waiting for a kidney soon as well. Let's just say I wasn't very excited at the prospect. Here is a link to the entire Assembly Bill, The Organ Donation Enhancement Act.

I expect, hope and pray that the years to come will be wonderful for all of us! There is a lot to do, a lot of fun to have, love to share and people to share it with....

Stay Healthy and Don't forget to LOVE YOUR LIVER !!!!!

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, it's a DRUG !!!!!

www.baltimoresun.com/news/health/bal-to.hs.expert29dec29,0,4276099.story

baltimoresun.com

Understanding what alcohol does to your body

Expert advice

By Holly Selby

December 29, 2008

The holiday season brings plenty of reasons to celebrate and with them the temptation to eat and, perhaps, drink a little more than is wise. As we all know but sometimes forget, drinking too much inevitably leads to headaches, loss of energy and generally feeling rotten. But there's only one sure way to avoid a hangover, says Tyler Cymet, a doctor of osteopathic medicine and an emergency room physician at Northwest Hospital. And we know what it is, don't we?

Is alcohol something that people should avoid?

Alcohol is a drug that has specific effects and side effects that are dose-dependent. Any time you take a drug, you should know why you are taking it, what the desired effect is, and weigh that against the side effects of the drug.

But some people can drink alcohol and not have any effects at all. That is because the dose was low and not sufficient to cause noticeable effects.

What are some of the first noticeable effects?

Certain people are more sensitive to alcohol, and to certain types of alcohol. If you drink and you feel sweaty or feel warm and flush right away, then your body is not getting rid of the alcohol in as efficient a manner as you might like, and the alcohol that does this to you is more likely to have a more serious side effect, specifically hangovers or intoxication.

We also know that alcohols - such as brandies, fortified wines, grain alcohol - that are over 15 percent will have greater effects on the stomach, like swelling and will lead to a quicker and more serious effect.

What kinds of effects does alcohol have?

Alcohol will have effects on your muscles, your stomach and on the brain. After taking a therapeutic dose of alcohol (usually considered the equivalent of one shot of hard alcohol an hour) a person's temperature drops, his heart speeds up a bit and he becomes less coordinated because of the brain fog and the changes in the muscles. People may feel warmer on the outside and colder on the inside as blood flow gets shunted to the superficial arteries and veins.

Why do people who drink typically get so clumsy?

Alcohol blocks the ability of the body to absorb calcium, magnesium and other minerals that muscles need to function. So muscle coordination already is off and, simultaneously, the brain is using alcohol instead of sugar as a fuel, which doesn't let the body run as smoothly as it does when it is running on the right type of fuel (sugars).

Are hangovers a common side effect of drinking?

Hangover is the name given to the collection of symptoms people may see after overdosing on alcohol. The muscles and brain either did not have enough of a reserve to overcome the assault of alcohol on the brain and muscles, or the dose of alcohol was too high for the body to tolerate.

What is the hangover syndrome?

A hangover usually occurs from eight to 24 hours after drinking alcohol. It starts when the alcohol level hits zero (although it can happen sooner). And generally lasts from 24 to 36 hours.

Its symptoms typically are sore, achy muscles, a change in the pattern of a person's bowel habits, lack of energy, headache, sensitivity to light and discomfort with food.

The alcohol lets you know when you are heading to a hangover: Alcohol makes you urinate more often leading to a loss of necessary nutrients coupled with a decreased ability to process and take in more minerals and other nutrients. If you are urinating a lot you are developing an electrolyte imbalance and that is when the muscles start to ache, you have no energy, headaches, sensitivity to light. And you are going to start getting light-headed or dizzy.

Once you've made the mistake of drinking too much alcohol, is there anything that can be done to alleviate a hangover?

We hear about drinking milk beforehand or caffeine afterward; we hear about IVs; we hear about taking Motrin before going out to prevent a hangover, but there is nothing [other than not drinking alcohol] that we really know about preventing or curing hangovers - it is all guesswork. And the treatments usually address one of the symptoms of a hangover and not the whole hangover syndrome. We know how alcohol works on the body and since you already know the root cause of a hangover, you know how to prevent a hangover.

Holly Selby is a former reporter for The Baltimore Sun.

Let's talk Liver.....Fatty Liver in particular (NASH)

The slide on the left shows fat accumulation in liver cells. The slide on the right shows healthy liver cells.

Ok, Enough with the pretty pictures and back to the subject at hand....Liver disease.


This photo as you have guessed by now is one of a fatty liver. Fatty Liver is one of the steps towards Cirrhosis. It doesn't always end up as cirrhosis but a lot of the time is does.

It can either be alcoholic related or not. NASH stand for Non-Alcoholic Liver Disease.

I am going to repost a little bit here and give you a couple of links to look at but what you should know is that it is becoming more and more prevalent and is effecting younger and younger people. Even children who are overweight. It is a serious health care problem today.

I will tell you how it relates to livers available for transplant in a minute...

Nonalcoholic fatty liver disease

Definition

Nonalcoholic fatty liver disease (NAFLD) describes a range of conditions involving the liver that affect people who drink little or no alcohol.

The mildest type is simple fatty liver (steatosis), an accumulation of fat within your liver that usually causes no liver damage. A potentially more serious type, nonalcoholic steatohepatitis (NASH), is associated with liver-damaging inflammation and, sometimes, the formation of fibrous tissue. In some cases, this can progress either to cirrhosis, which can produce progressive, irreversible liver scarring, or to liver cancer.

Nonalcoholic fatty liver disease affects all age groups, including children. Most often, it's diagnosed in middle-aged people who are overweight or obese, and who may also have diabetes and elevated cholesterol and triglyceride levels.

With the increasing incidence of obesity and diabetes in Western countries, nonalcoholic fatty liver disease has become a growing problem. Although its true prevalence is unknown, some estimates suggest it may affect as many as one-third of American adults.

Because early-stage nonalcoholic fatty liver disease rarely causes any symptoms, it's often detected because of abnormal results of liver tests done for unrelated issues. Treatments for nonalcoholic fatty liver disease include weight loss, exercise, improved diabetes control and the use of cholesterol-lowering medications.

Here is a link to more technical stuff from wikipedia talking about the differences between Fatty Liver related to alcohol or not....

One of the reasons I bring it up is PLEASE have your blood drawn at regular physicals and ask your physician in particular about your liver enzymes. ALT and AST. If they are high you need to pay attention !!!!!

I wouldn't be where I am if I had.....But then nothing is going to happen to ME !!! or so I thought. There won't be any outward symptoms....You won't FEEL sick but your liver may be screaming at you.

Something I learned from my coordinators at Scripps I find interesting. Usable livers available for transplant are getting scarcer as they can take a perfectly healthy looking donor. Get all the approvals for transplant from the family. Be ready to get the organs of that generous person ready for transplant. With a liver that includes a biopsy. And low and behold the liver is a *FATTY LIVER*, therefore NOT good enough for a transplant.

This is happening far more these days than in days past. There is more obesity, more diabetes or pre-diabetes etc and it is effecting the liver so much that it is no longer a viable organ for transplant.

ALSO, the increase of fatty liver in the general population is increasing the number of people who NEED transplants...

As you can see, it is becoming a huge problem and is effecting transplant from both ends. Donors available and an increase in recipients listed for transplant.

Hope everyone got out and voted today!

Speaking of alcohol. Here is some of my story I haven't talked much about.

Since we are on the subject of alcohol. I haven't really spoken much about how I got in this predicament of needing a new liver.

I was answering a letter today by a friend regarding alcohol in her life and the fact that she was having high liver enzymes show up in her blood work which resulted in some further testing, (an ultrasound and a biopsy) that showed she has fatty liver. She is my age and our drinking habits over our lives have been similar. She wrote and asked me a couple of questions and as I started answering here I actually wrote a *book*..... Well, it was a long answer to some brief questions.

When it comes to my drinking history, my disease, and my obvious regret to not heeding the warning signs that were there if there is anything I can give back or help give people an awareness of who are at risk I want to help them with the truth.

My Doctors never gave me *THE TRUTH* about what I was facing. It was all pretty sugar coated. *You should think about cutting down,,,,,,,blah, blah, blah,,,,,,,, and never really telling me what might happen to me if I didn't stop in time. I didn't know the difference between high liver enzymes and anything else. They never mentioned the word cirrhosis or what end stage liver disease is like.... nothing. I truly think if someone had taken the time to explain the consequences of NOT stopping I would have at least had a chance to make a different choice and my path could have been completely different.

Here is my response to her. I now have over 400 readers around the world, (check the map!) and if what I have to say helps one person........then the blog will all be worth it..... That and helping people realize the need to make the effort to go to donate life and become an organ donor.

I am glad that you took my e-mail as it was intended. One thing that I want you to know is that I am NOT at all judgmental of you or your drinking and that I will always be honest with you. I am worried that you believe that you have fatty liver because you are overweight or *obese*, which is an absurd word…. Some extra weight might not be helping but I don’t believe it is the cause of your fatty liver. I also don’t think the Dr’s are always straight shooters because they like to skirt around the alcohol issue or just say to you…*don’t drink*. Mine said… *go to a meeting if you have to*, like that was an answer to anything! I know that my cirrhosis was caused gradually by my drinking habits which started when I was around 16-17 and was part of my social life from then on. Neither I nor my friends or family considered myself *an alcoholic* or did I have trouble with shaking, vomiting, or any of the other nasty problems with the exception of the year or two prior to my hospitalization when it was to late. I am certain my liver was cirrhotic by then. My problem was I was a *daily* drinker. Not every day, but most days. Like you, in the evenings, weekends, vacations…..well, you can drink all day on vacation, right? Is it noon yet? Ever heard of a mimosa or a bloody mary? LOL….I could pretty much fit alcohol into any social situation appropriately. No one thinks twice when you have a tropical drink in your hand on vacation… right? and Vodka seems to go with everything and don't we all consider wine ok? It all seemed very normal to me. So, it was the ONGOING assault to my liver as the weeks, months and years past that was my livers demise. With all the research I have done since I found out I was sick I have determined that alcohol is harder on women, it is harder when we don’t give our livers breaks….so even if it is just a little but on a frequent basis……..that is a huge problem… *FOR YOUR LIVER*, it may not be a problem as in affecting your day to day life….but could be advancing your liver disease and you wouldn’t even know it. Liver disease, doesn’t hurt, doesn’t make you *sick*, (until it is too late and cirrhosis has kicked in). My Dr’s are telling me that I have a 50/50 chance of surviving 5 years if I don’t get a new liver soon. A 50/50 chance???? I am not very happy about those odds. So my advice to you, as hard as it is for me to give it to you is to NOT drink, AT ALL. You are not doing yourself or your family any good by quantifying it by saying * I only drink this or that…….* Your liver doesn’t know the difference. It is a toxic substance that is very, very hard on it and it is throwing up warning signs IF you will listen to it. I know the thought of not drinking at all is daunting. I couldn’t imagine my life without drinking. Joe and I will be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary in a couple of weeks and I told him….Can you believe we won’t be drinking a great bottle of wine with our dinner celebration????? Doesn’t seem right. But it just is, now and from now on. Which is fine with me. I really like life without alcohol! Who knew???? If you have the opportunity to stop your liver problems now, and you do, you should take that opportunity and thank God he gave you the warning signs that many of us didn’t get. I so wish I had a biopsy when my liver was just a fatty liver and hadn't crossed that hard line in the sand of cirrhosis. I stopped with the help of SMART RECOVERY. And a drug called naltrexone. I believe that alcohol affects our body and brain is certain ways after years of use. Our body is USED to operating with it and it feels normal to us. What naltrexone does is basically put *coating* on some pleasure points in our brain that make us like alcohol. (That is the short version.) You can drink on naltrexone. It won’t make you sick like antibuse. You just do not enjoy it. It is very weird. I had heard that and tried it…While taking it I tried to drink a glass of wine that would normally have been gone within 45 min and 2 hours later there was still ½ in the glass. I just didn’t want it…. When I really decided to stop totally I drank the day I planned on stopping, took my first dose of Naltrexone that night before bed and didn’t want any alcohol at all the next day and haven’t had a drop since! I was ready to stop, it just helped my brain from wanting it…it is a physical addiction, like cigarettes, and also some of us are just pre disposed to not being *real social drinkers* which by the way drink a couple of times a year at a wedding or on a vacation, etc. NOT ON A REGULAR or DAILY BASIS. Woosies…lol. www.smartrecovery.org http://www.assistedrecovery.com/beta/cbt.htm . I know it was the help I needed to stop my addiction. Re read the article I sent you. Especially the part regarding women and the progression of the disease. Right now you are still in a position to reverse the effects of alcohol. As always if there is any way I can help or encourage you or you need an ear or shoulder you can count on me. Maybe you should come see me when I am in ICU recovering from transplant with dozens of tubes coming out of me and the stapled torso where they cut me open to put my new liver in, spend time with me for the months of recovery and live with a compromised immune system for the rest of my life because of all the drugs I will now have to take and then ask yourself if the evening cocktail or 2 is a good idea.

Very sincerely yours,

Nancy

Alcoholic Liver Disease pre cirrhosis to cirrhosis

Definition

Alcoholic liver disease involves an acute or chronic inflammation of the liver induced by alcohol abuse.

Alternative Names

Liver disease due to alcohol; Cirrhosis or hepatitis - alcoholic; Laennec's cirrhosis

Causes

Alcoholic liver disease usually occurs after years of excessive drinking. The longer the duration of alcohol use and the greater the consumption of alcohol, the greater the probability of developing liver disease. Acute alcoholic hepatitis can result from binge drinking, and may be life-threatening if severe.

Malnutrition develops as a result of empty calories from alcohol, reduced appetite, and malabsorption (inadequate absorption of nutrients from the intestinal tract). Malnutrition contributes to liver disease.

The toxicity of ethanol to the liver, individual susceptibility to alcohol-induced liver disease, and genetic factors also contribute to the development of alcoholic liver disease.

Alcoholic liver disease does not affect all heavy drinkers, and women may be more susceptible than men. (Particularly daily drinkers who never give their liver a break.) Drunkenness is not essential for the development of the disease.

Changes start within the liver as inflammation (hepatitis) and progress to fatty liver and cirrhosis. Cirrhosis is the final phase of alcoholic liver disease. Symptoms may not be present until the disease is relatively advanced.

Serious complications are associated with advanced disease such as alcoholic encephalopathy (damage to brain tissue) and portal hypertension (high blood pressure within the liver).

Symptoms

· Loss of appetite
· Nausea
· Jaundice
· Abdominal pain and tenderness
· Fever
· Ascites (fluid collection in the abdomen)
· Unintentional weight gain (because of fluid collection)
· Mental confusion
· Excessive thirst
· Dry mouth
· Fatigue

Additional symptoms that may be associated with this disease:

· Vomiting blood or material that looks like coffee grounds
· Bloody or dark black or tarry bowel movements (melena)
· Abnormally dark or light skin
· Redness on feet or hands
· Paleness
· Light-headedness or fainting, especially with upright posture
· Rapid heart rate (tachycardia) when rising to standing position
· Slow, sluggish, lethargic movement
· Breast development in males
· Impaired ability to concentrate
· Agitation
· Fluctuating mood
· Difficulty paying attention (attention deficit)
· Impaired judgment
· Confusion (encephalopathy)
· Altered level of consciousness
· Impaired short- or long-term memory
· Hallucinations

Symptoms vary with the severity of the disease and are usually worse after a recent period of heavy drinking.

Exams and Tests

· A CBC may show anemia and other abnormalities.
· Liver function tests such as ALP are abnormal.
· Liver biopsy shows alcoholic liver disease.

Tests to rule out other diseases include:

· Ultrasound of the abdomen
· CT scan – abdominal
· Blood tests for other causes of liver disease

This disease may also alter the results of the following tests:

· Reticulocyte count
· Ferritin
· Alpha fetoprotein

Treatment

The objective of treatment is to discontinue alcohol, and to provide a high-carbohydrates, high-calorie diet to reduce protein breakdown in the body. Vitamins, especially B1 and folic acid, are associated with improvement. An alcohol rehabilitation program or counseling may be necessary to break the alcohol addiction. Management of the complications of chronic liver disease may be needed. If cirrhosis develops, liver transplant may be necessary.

Support Groups

The stress of illness can often be eased by joining a support group whose members share common experiences and problems. See alcoholism - support group and liver disease - support group.

Outlook (Prognosis)

Continued excessive drinking is associated with a shorter life expectancy. The probable outcome is poor if drinking continues.

Possible Complications

· Bleeding esophageal varices
· Portal hypertension
· Hepatic encephalopathy
· Cirrhosis

When to Contact a Medical Professional

· Call your health care provider if symptoms of alcoholic liver disease develop.
· Call your provider if symptoms develop after prolonged or heavy drinking, or if you are concerned that drinking may be damaging your health.

Prevention

Discuss your alcohol intake with your doctor, who can counsel you about safe amounts of alcohol intake for your situation.

Review Date: 5/4/2006
Reviewed By: Jenifer K. Lehrer, MD, Department of Gastroenterology, Frankford-Torresdale Hospital, Jefferson Health System, Philadelphia, PA. Review provided by VeriMed Healthcare Network.

A post from my friend Kim in Illinois

I am late in doing this but I wanted to post something a friend wrote about in her blog. (training for life...in the blog links below) I met Kim online in a yahoo group years ago when we were both struggling with weight loss and following the Body for Life program.. We moved onto other fitness programs and groups together and she even flew out to California where we participated in a LIFT FOR KIDS body building liftathon raising money for special olympics...

Any way, It is a bit long but I wanted her and you to know just how proud I am of her and to be her friend!


Racing for Recovery
Saturday, June 14, 2008, 5:43:42 PM noreply@blogger.com (Kim)

I've been SO busy at work its been hard to find time to sit down and write...But last weekend we headed out of town to Monroe Michigan and Sterling State Park, the new venue for Racing for Recovery. This was a sprint and 1/2 IM triathlon. I of course was in for the sprint, Kevin, the 1/2 IM. Got into town and picked up packets on Saturday, its a small race... about 200 sprinters, 178 1/2 IMers. The guy that puts this on, Todd Crandell, was at one time a full blown drug and alcoholic. He has written a book about his experiences of which I've read so I was intriqued to do this race. Well had NO clue he would be there to greet competitors at packet pick up... had I known, I would have brought my book and had him autograph it. I really have to admire what this guys life was like and where he is now, to turn his life around like he has is NOT easy.... believe me I know the draw of drugs, been there done that, somehow managed to not get to that level, but have had friends that were not so lucky.

Anyhow we got packets picked up then checked in at the hotel, then headed back to the location to take a swim in Lake Erie... Well I sure the heck was pleasantly surprised at the water temps... its not like it was bath water or anything but it was easily 65/68ish degrees, which with wetsuit is fine... in fact I think I could have easily dealt with water temps without wetsuit but that ole rubber suit does help keep me afloat. So of course the first time you put that thing on its like getting use to it all over again... it took some doing but I did do some swimming.. the water was not rough but not flat either... I realized my sighting skills really suck cause I kept getting off track.... So after an hour or so we headed back to hotel, changed and went for some dinner.

So race morning we had to get up and be there a bit early because there was no racking bikes the night before. They had an area for sprinters and a seperate bike area for 1/2 IMer's - previous races they would not let anyone back into transition until all were off the bike and onto the run, well if your a sprint racer, you could be hangin' round a long time waiting to get your bike - so they changed it up this time round. So we get that done, get marked, potty stops, then down to the water.


Well let me say I've swam a mile in the pool and I was fine but when even half that distance is now laid out before me in one long stretch, you really see how far it is. I was saying to myself man I'm glad I'm doing the sprint cause I don't think I could handle the 1/2 IM swim... 1000 meters for the sprint race laid out in front of me looked long enough. And of course I found myself doubting the ability to swim that far - lets face it open water swimming is entirely different from pool swimming. So we get the instructions on the different courses and then its time for the 1/2 IMers to line up and off they go... Well they would not let the sprinters start until the others were at the turn around. the 1/2 was an L shaped course, they swam out to a FAR marker, turned, came back toward the sprint course... the vertical part of the L was the same course for us sprinters... So now its really starting to warm up, wind is picking up, and I'm getting freakin' warm in my wetsuit - so sticking me feet in the water helped. Finally we sprinters get to go... Well for some reason I totally panicked... I swam a while face in the water, bilateral breathing, no problem, then I got kicked and lost it - rest of the swim was face out of the water, I was totally freaked out and with the wind picking up, the waves were getting a bit larger... so after stroking what seemed like HOURS, I make it to the turn around point... whew 750 down, 250 to go - well the 250 was straight into the waves and wind - I'm sure I drank a bit of nasty water, which panicked me even more. Ah finally I can touch bottom, off with the wetsuit IN the water. It was a little bit of a long transistion and I was tired, so screw it I walked... nothing like seeing a guy bent over the ropes throwing up to keep ya going... I think he swallowed more water than I..


The transition area was tight but I got done what I needed to then off to the bike, my FAV. part. It was a flat course but some areas of the road were not so smooth. The wind was pretty wicked and I could feel myself being pushed sideways on my bike from the winds. All in all I was pretty happy with my bike leg specially when I saw that I avg'd 16.4 mph even with the high winds... I felt bad for the 1/2 IMers 56 miles in 30+mph winds makes for a long bike. Back into transition and off on the run.


The run was a loop around the lagoon in Sterling State Park. It really was a very nice run path and many parts of it were shaded which helped a lot in the 90+degree heat and humidity. The 1/2 IMers also shared this run course so it was stocked very well with water, hammerheed and bananas... I did get a bit concerned that I missed a turn for the sprint athletes though when the only mile signs I see are for the 1/2 IM athletes. And it didn't help when the kids manning the next water stop really had no clue if this was the sprinters course also. I just thought OH well if not, I'm in for a very long run. I really wanted this to be a good run, but I was beat from the swim, tired from peddling against the wind, and the heat and humidity weren't making things any easier... I just did what I could do and kept plugging along.


I'm really ok with not being first in my age group, and while NO ONE wants to be last, I logically don't care about that either (emotionally nother story) - I just keep saying 'hey you are doing something 90% of women 42 yrs old would never consider' and I kept thinking of my friend Nancy and my ex Mike...

(THIS IS WHERE I IMMEDIATLY CHOKED UP AND CRIED)

See Nancy was celebrating her 49th birthday that day and her 1 yr of sobriety (I'm so happy for you Nancy) so I had Nancy in spirit cheering me on... and my ex Mike, who I remained friends with was truly with me in spirit.... Mike passed away on Oct 20, 2007 - he had a massive heart attack and while cornor results said no drugs were in his system... I know in my heart (and from my life with Michael) that this heart attack was a result of drug abuse, drinking, and being overweight. My thoughts of them kept me putting one foot in front of the other.


THEN I see the finish line... AH I love FINISH lines - they represent a sense of accomplishment, they take away all those doubts I had 2+ hrs ago standing at the foot of the water questioning what the hell I was doing there - I always seem to be able to pour it on at the finish... And when I was done I got my finishers medal and a nice ice cold water soaked towel... and since Kevin was still on the course I didn't have anyone to welcome me in... I just walked over the to shaded picnic/bathroom area, sat down, thought of Nancy and Mike and finishing on a very hot day, and cried... cried cause I was tired, cried cause I wish Mike was still here... I think the heat was getting to me. Once I gained my composure, I headed back to the hotel, showered, packed up, then headed back to see Kevin finish. I knew it had to be a hard day in those conditions for the 1/2 IMer's, but eventually Kevin comes up to the finish and does a little dance on his way in - he can be a nut sometimes.


All in all I'm happy with how I did, of course I always WANT to do better, who doesn't, but I'm just thrilled to be able to be fit enough to do this sport at all. Then came the 5 hr ride home, I think after being in the sun and then a long drive home thru some nasty downpours made me a bit testy... somehow I missed 80/94, wound up on 90, which is ok... but I just wanted to be home at that point. I've decided if a race is more than a 3 hr drive, we stay over the night of the race too. I just think its smarter to go back to a hotel, shower, eat and get a nice sleep and drive home leisurely and well rested. And after Kevin doing the 1/2 IM I was not letting him drive home, he was more beat then me.... I think the sun takes it out of everyone but when your fairskinned and redheaded... it just beats the hell out of you, even with 30+ sunblock.

Kim, I love ya girl. I am so glad you have gained all the strength that you have now...not only in your body but in your self esteem and growth.

You have come along way BABY!